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swtlilinnoc3nce
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Birthday: 11/28/1990
Interests: im an edna...i dance in the rain, sing in the shower, laugh with friends until my stomach hurts. i pull apart fresh Tollhouse choco-chip cookies, hug my teddy, sketch random objects, and dream. fourteen, sophomore, jesus christ is the love of my life...busy being a kid
Expertise: being confused
Occupation: Artist
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  farawaydr3aming
Member Since:
7/21/2004
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| The past couple weeks have been incredibly emotional for me. I have had moments when I just wanted to laugh, cry, scream, and jump around all at the same time. I can say for sure that fasting revealed my weakness in allowing my emotions to govern my life. When the fast ended, I felt far from victorious, in fact, it seemed to me as if though God was very distant. At the same time, I knew the blame was on me because I had not consistently set aside time for Him. Praise the Lord that He has reminded me again that it doesn't matter what I feel or how far I run, because I only have to turn around. With the OneThing conference tomorrow, I am excited, but I also pray that I would come to know Him best in the secret place and not at conferences or church meetings. I constantly find myself drawn to the ideal of King David, as a "man after God's own heart"...haha, like I told Melody, if he was alive today, he would be undeniably attractive...perhaps in the physical sense as well, but also because he is unapologetically, recklessly, and passionately devoted. the mediocrity of this world cannot help but gravitate towards passion. he knows what he wants and doesn't care what others think because he is so in love with God. sure, David messed up...but he had the grace to laugh in the face of his weakness knowing that the God he loves also loves him unconditionally. I had a xanga entry awhile ago about king david, i don't know if you remember it, but here it is:
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thinking of king david...and how he had to rule an empire...and how i complain i have no time to spend with God...uhuh...right....whatever
how do you become so passionate at such a young age? i sit here, and close my eyes, and try to picture it:
a still night. a small fire crackling, dying, fading into the ebbing darkness. and a young boy, his features illuminated by the glow of the dancing flames. just sitting there all alone. so small in the middle of so much space. the empty sky filled with diamonds. the sweeping barren landscape. the beauty of that moment is incomparable. his voice, rising and falling, a haunting intonement swallowed by the wind. the sound o fhis voice is mesmerizing, captivating, swooping and falling like an eagle's wings as it soars, majestic, embracing...beautiful. it is the sound of passion of the kind of love we've abandoned for cheap imitations, instant gratification.
That is the kind of passion I want. The passion that dares to be undignified, ungrounded, irrational, unrealistic, unbridled, and all consuming. This kind of passion isn't defined by jumping up and down in worship or logging in hours of service on the worship team or sacrificing this or that. This kind of passion knows the heart of God and burns for Him...i used to think burning was that crazy, warm, fuzzy feeling of joy you get at conferences; but more often than not, passion is the very act of not feeling but believing, of seeing the reality God has promised and refusing to let go of it in spite of everything you have ever learned or known about yourself, your capabilities, and your world. because passion is not self-ignited. it is born of KNOWING (key word) that God loves you even when you ARE NOT FEELING it. | | | |
| The past couple weeks have been incredibly emotional for me. I have had moments when I just wanted to laugh, cry, scream, and jump around all at the same time. I can say for sure that fasting revealed my weakness in allowing my emotions to govern my life. When the fast ended, I felt far from victorious, in fact, it seemed to me as if though God was very distant. At the same time, I knew the blame was on me because I had not consistently set aside time for Him. Praise the Lord that He has reminded me again that it doesn't matter what I feel or how far I run, because I only have to turn around. With the OneThing conference tomorrow, I am excited, but I also pray that I would come to know Him best in the secret place and not at conferences or church meetings. I constantly find myself drawn to the ideal of King David, as a "man after God's own heart"...haha, like I told Melody, if he was alive today, he would be undeniably attractive...perhaps in the physical sense as well, but also because he is unapologetically, recklessly, and passionately devoted. the mediocrity of this world cannot help but gravitate towards passion. he knows what he wants and doesn't care what others think because he is so in love with God. sure, David messed up...but he had the grace to laugh in the face of his weakness knowing that the God he loves also loves him unconditionally. I had a xanga entry awhile ago about king david, i don't know if you remember it, but here it is:
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thinking of king david...and how he had to rule an empire...and how i complain i have no time to spend with God...uhuh...right....whatever
how do you become so passionate at such a young age? i sit here, and close my eyes, and try to picture it:
a still night. a small fire crackling, dying, fading into the ebbing darkness. and a young boy, his features illuminated by the glow of the dancing flames. just sitting there all alone. so small in the middle of so much space. the empty sky filled with diamonds. the sweeping barren landscape. the beauty of that moment is incomparable. his voice, rising and falling, a haunting intonement swallowed by the wind. the sound o fhis voice is mesmerizing, captivating, swooping and falling like an eagle's wings as it soars, majestic, embracing...beautiful. it is the sound of passion of the kind of love we've abandoned for cheap imitations, instant gratification.
That is the kind of passion I want. The passion that dares to be undignified, ungrounded, irrational, unrealistic, unbridled, and all consuming. This kind of passion isn't defined by jumping up and down in worship or logging in hours of service on the worship team or sacrificing this or that. This kind of passion knows the heart of God and burns for Him...i used to think burning was that crazy, warm, fuzzy feeling of joy you get at conferences; but more often than not, passion is the very act of not feeling but believing, of seeing the reality God has promised and refusing to let go of it in spite of everything you have ever learned or known about yourself, your capabilities, and your world. because passion is not self-ignited. it is born of KNOWING (key word) that God loves you even when you ARE NOT FEELING it. | | | |
| The past couple weeks have been incredibly emotional for me. I have had moments when I just wanted to laugh, cry, scream, and jump around all at the same time. I can say for sure that fasting revealed my weakness in allowing my emotions to govern my life. When the fast ended, I felt far from victorious, in fact, it seemed to me as if though God was very distant. At the same time, I knew the blame was on me because I had not consistently set aside time for Him. Praise the Lord that He has reminded me again that it doesn't matter what I feel or how far I run, because I only have to turn around. With the OneThing conference tomorrow, I am excited, but I also pray that I would come to know Him best in the secret place and not at conferences or church meetings. I constantly find myself drawn to the ideal of King David, as a "man after God's own heart"...haha, like I told Melody, if he was alive today, he would be undeniably attractive...perhaps in the physical sense as well, but also because he is unapologetically, recklessly, and passionately devoted. the mediocrity of this world cannot help but gravitate towards passion. he knows what he wants and doesn't care what others think because he is so in love with God. sure, David messed up...but he had the grace to laugh in the face of his weakness knowing that the God he loves also loves him unconditionally. I had a xanga entry awhile ago about king david, i don't know if you remember it, but here it is:
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thinking of king david...and how he had to rule an empire...and how i complain i have no time to spend with God...uhuh...right....whatever
how do you become so passionate at such a young age? i sit here, and close my eyes, and try to picture it:
a still night. a small fire crackling, dying, fading into the ebbing darkness. and a young boy, his features illuminated by the glow of the dancing flames. just sitting there all alone. so small in the middle of so much space. the empty sky filled with diamonds. the sweeping barren landscape. the beauty of that moment is incomparable. his voice, rising and falling, a haunting intonement swallowed by the wind. the sound o fhis voice is mesmerizing, captivating, swooping and falling like an eagle's wings as it soars, majestic, embracing...beautiful. it is the sound of passion of the kind of love we've abandoned for cheap imitations, instant gratification.
That is the kind of passion I want. The passion that dares to be undignified, ungrounded, irrational, unrealistic, unbridled, and all consuming. This kind of passion isn't defined by jumping up and down in worship or logging in hours of service on the worship team or sacrificing this or that. This kind of passion knows the heart of God and burns for Him...i used to think burning was that crazy, warm, fuzzy feeling of joy you get at conferences; but more often than not, passion is the very act of not feeling but believing, of seeing the reality God has promised and refusing to let go of it in spite of everything you have ever learned or known about yourself, your capabilities, and your world. because passion is not self-ignited. it is born of KNOWING (key word) that God loves you even when you ARE NOT FEELING it. | | | |
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last night. CSF shindig. mo, lo, jo, crissy, faeriehana, betty boop, and i "stole" a piece of butcher paper/ table cloth and left in the middle of "pirate"at shindig to have our own lil' party. under the stars, by the basket ball hoops, laughing, talking, singing, and thinking. we sang "a whole new world", and "reflections", and "think of me" and "all i ask" and "only hope" (squeak...) and faeriehana killed it each time cuz she was looking for her napkin...haha. and poor betty is forever traumatized of camera flashes, but you have to agree, we took some pretty awesome pictures.
last night. i felt like a kid again. the sky was black and the stars were so small and so distant but so pretty. it was great. it was beautiful. i felt so free, ridiculously free for someone whose only running down a hallway in school at eight o'clock PM. but i wanted to stay there forever. under the stars. under the sky. and forget. about everything.
but forgetting never works.
it's a good thing God does | | |
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at lunch time sitting on my math textbook (poor book) on the wet grass...unbroken silence...well, at first, but then people started walking by. nevertheless, it was so nice. ann was sitting with me and i listened to some japanese pop. that language is so beautiful. i want to learn it now too. haha. just like i want to learn a million other things that are beautiful and wonderful and amazing. anywho, it was really nice to sit away from the quad, and the noise, and the commotion, and, after ann put on her headphones to listen to jpop by herself, i started singing worship songs softly. yep. i'm still shy about singing, even in front of ann. sigh. at least it's okay with God. he doesn't care if my voice is flat, or sharp...^^. it wasn't exactly a full-blown worship session. but it was beautiful. the sunlight was coming down just enough to warm us and the sky was so blue and i even though i didn't hear anything, i felt so loved. cherished. treasured.
and to think that we can experience this anytime, anywhere, any circumstance...and that we settle for so many smaller, less fulfilling things
that is unbelievable. | | |
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